What?! It's only 8:05 and this is my 3rd entry today!!?

[d_a_r_a]

Well, it's a sure sign that the apocalypse is nigh. ;) That, or I REALLY need a job.

I've been tackling the ever so fun task of dividing up our stuff in preparation for divorce. I was sorting through our book shelves and came across "Saving Your Marriage Before it Starts" - well, that didn't work. What the hell went wrong? It just seems like we started off doing everything right - so how did we end up here? I also found my workbook for "Saving Your Marriage Before it Starts" - don't know where Rick's is, but it probably will turn up eventually. When it does it will be intersesting to see what he wrote. Here were my personal 10 Commandments from exercise #1 - okay, I only wrote in 9 - guess I couldn't come up with 10.

1. Downplay your sucesses
2. Never call attention to yourself
3. Don't try new things you might fail at in front of other people you're likely to see a lot of - you will look foolish if you fail
4. Don't let other people tell you what to do
5. Don't get sick and if you do try not to let it slow you down (be like Daddy)
6. Don't leave lights on if you're not using them - it's wasteful
7. Put your needs (sleep, food, privacy, etc.) 2nd to your loved ones'
8. Always consult your loved ones for their opinion even if you know what it will be or what you will do already
9. Always read between the lines

Hmm...I don't know why # 10 is not on here - it so obviously should be:
10. Never cry or show weakness in public

Part of me is just shaking my head that even with such clear communication upfront in our marriage we still messed things up. #8 really stands out because Rick was just telling me a few days ago that he thinks he finally understands that I had a need to have his input on all sorts of things - the little things - in order to feel that we were sharing a life together...and he didn't do that for me. I got a lot of "I don't think it gets me in trouble" whenever I asked him what he thought. Hmmm, so it took him more than 5 years to comprehend that I expected something that I put down in writing for him before we even married? Yeah, can we say communication problems are HUGE here. :) It's like we exist on totally different planes and don't even have a reference point to start to communicate with each other. I guess you live and learn. As long as you do learn from your mistakes rather than repeat them.

Edit - Oh look, it's the devotional book we did when we were dating/engaged and our manuals from the Weekend to Remember marriage conference we went to 2 years ago. *Shakes head* - what went wrong?

Comments

[d-a-r-a.livejournal.com]

Yes, that is something I have learned in the past 5 years. But in the family I grew up in we all tended to put each others needs first and trust that someone else would look out for our needs. We were very protective of each other. I still am very protective of my family - I know they have faults but nobody else better say anything about it in my presence. ;)