Revelations, walks in the woods, etc.

My big revelation through this whole process and the counseling etc. is the following. I took an intro to Philosophy class Spring semester of my Freshman year of college that messed me up. I'd bet that Julie still remembers coming back to our dorm room to find me curled up in the fetal position on my bed contemplating the basic epistemological question of whether or not we can know ANYTHING for certain. Quite frankly here I was in a new city, in a new state, with none of the people I grew up with around. There were too many physical life changes going on for my brain to assimilate or deal with profound metaphysical questions of the nature of the universe.

The following fall semester I filled out this little survey for Campus Crusade for Christ to get a free pizza and they came to my dorm room to follow up with me. I could tell these people really cared - and that meant a lot. They also had all the answers - or at least a set of answers. And you could tell they believed in it 100% - so I just kind of slid straight into their framework for life wholeheartedly. I guess part of me just was not ready to do the hard work of figuring out what I believed and found it easier to accept a pre-made package of beliefs. At first I just accepted what they said at face value.

And they had this wonderful leadership program - and apparently I'm a natural born leader - at least Rick says so. So I was leading a Bible Study and I was on the shepherd team etc. etc. It gave me an outlet for those skills. Then the questions started to come my senior year. At that time just differences in ministry philosophy mostly. Little by little, through the last several years, I've been able to de-program my brain until I'm at where I am today, actually dealing with those extremely uncomfortable metaphysical questions. And I've realized because of who I am and how I'm made that I'll be dealing with those metaphysical questions for the rest of my life. I'm never going to stop pondering, learning, exploring those questions. And that no longer scares me but excites me. Comfort is highly overrated anyway.

Switching topics entirely - Rick, Dave and I went for a walk in the woods last night for a couple of hours. No, I'm not kidding. Despite the bizarre situation we find ourselves in we're all friends - and friends do stuff together. Dave took us to see the "hide and go thwap" place we've heard about before. It's a parcel of woods owned by WMU out behind an apartment complex. There's a large clearing there. It's a beautiful place - not the kind of beauty you see with your eyes, the kind of beauty you just feel. I was going to say it was lots of fun - but fun just isn't the right word, doesn't convey the true depth of the experience. I'm trying to find the right words, but it's difficult. On the one hand it was a calming, almost comforting place - on the other hand it was...hmmm, looking for words...envigorating maybe? The best way I can think to put it is that this place makes me feel like I'm waiting for something to happen. I'm not sure what that something is but I'm pretty sure it's important.

Picked up over at facetiae's journal...

Your brain: 45% interpersonal, 30% visual, 15% verbal, and 10% mathematical!

Congratulations on being 100% smart! The above score breaks down what kind of thinking you most enjoy doing. It says nothing about how good you are at any one, just how interested you are in each, relatively. A substantial difference in scores between two people means, conclusively, that they are different kinds of thinkers. Matching Summary: Each of us has different tastes. Still, I offer the following advice, which I think is obvious: Don't date someone if your interpersonal percentages differ by more than 50%. Don't be friends with someone if your verbal percentages differ by more than 60%. Don't have sex with someone if their math percentage is over 50%. Update, April 2005: Try my new test, the 3-Variable Purity Test.

My test tracked 4 variables How you compared to other people your age and gender: You scored higher than 99% on interpersonal You scored higher than 56% on visual You scored higher than 26% on verbal You scored higher than 1% on mathematical

Link: The 4-Variable IQ Test written by chriscoyne on Ok Cupid

Strangeness is afoot....or is it a hand? ;)

Something is weird today - not sure what. I'm not usually this sleepy. Can't seem to get going - could be the fibro, but haven't really struggled with that since the new medications. I know that every time I doze off I'm having dreams - strange dreams that only leave me with impressions when I awake. I simply don't remember what they're about...well, I do remember one. I was just about to doze off and for some reason I was throwing a frisbee to someone else (in the dream). I awoke before the dream went further because in real life my arm jerked as if actually throwing the frisbee and woke me from my half awake, half asleep state. That's another thing - my body has been having involuntary jerks like that a lot lately. Sometimes it's just a foot or leg - that's been most common - but once today it was almost like my entire body jolted involuntarily. Both of my arms and both my legs moved without me asking them to. I was laying on my back with my hands folded over my abdomen at the time...I had gotten really sleepy while reading and had set the book down for a moment to just rest. It was definitely a strange sensation.

Edit - The cat is acting strangely today too. Not really bizzare, just different than normal. And my plumbing...okay, that's not coming out right...the house's plumbing is in on whatever strangeness is afoot. I just ran out of hot water in the shower. That so should not happen unless someone has been doing laundry, dishes, or taken a REALLY long shower before me. Since Rick's at work and I haven't done any of those things.... ???? Maybe the universe just figured I could use a cold shower - it did help wake me up. ;)